(via ronndamon)

i remember my first cup of coffee

getting ready the next day after an all nighter

Up All Night

DAAP’s turning me into a night owl… why DAAP whyyyyy

I Hate Technology

half the time it doesn’t work: it breaks, runs at a snails pace, quickly becomes outdated. When it is working, it prevents people from living the way they are supposed to. They hide behind the technology, claiming it is the only way to help them live. This security blanket has made people lose the courage to say how they feel out loud and allows those feelings to become ambiguous rather than be personal and true. I hate this last part about technology and wish it would just disappear for that soul reason.

Live for those moments

when I can surprise people. After a splendid evening at the bid dinner for APX (got the bid!) Jaclyn and I walked over to the Phi Delt house for a party looking all suave, but when we got there we found out it was just a chill gathering with the main attraction of sand volleyball! Now even though I was in a dress, there was no way I was missing the opportunity to play some volleyball. The boys all gave us a strange look when we walked onto the court, thinking this was going to be disastrous, but the minute I was passed the ball, shit got real. Favorite moment of the night was when I was finally set up a beautiful back row attack and smacked it onto the other side. The only thing you could here was all the guys shouting, “DAMN! Where the hell did that come from?!” Best line of the night. I can die happy now. Beating the shit out of cocky boys and doing it in a dress is a grand accomplishment :)

Interesting..

It seems that I have placed myself between a rock and a hard place. I have discovered that I share the same relationship with two different guys. Both know that they like me, but neither want to be in a committed relationship. What the heck! And I guess I can deal with that, but what I don’t understand is how so many guys can be feeling this way in college. Do they not want to just try to have an honest relationship with someone and so they feel the need to tell that person they can’t be anything right now other than a mind twisting tease? Or is this their way of testing the waters with me before they decide they want to continue seeking some sort of connection between us? Neither is an ideal case. One of them recently got out of a relationship and wants to continue being single. On normal occasions, I would be completely okay with this, but this guy did not tell me he couldn’t handle a relationship right now until after he started kissing me and stirring up my emotions for him. This guy also loves to flirt with every girl he gets the chance to talk to. My roommates are on the lookout for me and they have even said that they were on the fence about how sincere he’s acting towards me. Does he really feel for me, or is he just using me to get over his needy issues after a tough breakup? I do not want to be the rebound girl!

Now this other guy seems a lot better at first, but now that I have reviewed my conversations with him I am not so sure he’s any better. He is still hung up on a long term relationship that I have no idea when it ended and it had really taken a toll on him. At least that’s what he told me. He’s also really sweet and honest towards me, which I like. The downfall starts with not only an embarrassing story that he felt comfortable enough to tell me, but also with a strange decision on how to handle our relationship. He wants me to be able to have fun with him while also being able to run around and have fun with someone else if I so choose because he feels he is inadequate to give me a full relationship. He keeps saying how much he trusts me and that he’s attracted to me, but I’m not sure if this guy wants to be anything more than friends with benefits either. 

In the long run I feel like I would choose the second guy over the first because while the first guy is super charming and I do like him, I find myself restricting my personality more so I don’t set him off in any way. I don’t want to be too mean or insulting to him to the point that he’s turned off. This is sort of a problem because I crack jokes and sarcastic comments all the time and if I cannot do that around him, that means I’m not comfortable with being myself because I don’t think he will fully accept my sense of humor. The second guy is taking my sarcasm and cruelty like a champ and I can keep throwing the comments at him until I feel like I might go too far. 

I guess my biggest issue with this situation is that while I have two men chasing after me (sort of) I still don’t have someone that is willing to say that they are in a relationship with me. It’s almost as if they don’t want anyone to know that they like me. It sucks!

I’m just gonna have to gain control of these situations somehow by letting them both know what I really want and say that I don’t want anything unless this could evolve into something. Like I said, it’s very interesting…

This has been one crazy week.

Aside from the sleepless nights of working through hell week, there has been so much going on. I was pleasantly surprised by a guy i didn’t even think noticed me when he decided to make the move. This guy doesn’t hesitate to show his feelings. So naturally i start to fall a little. Only natural, right? Who wouldn’t start to have feelings for a guy that is so intent on making you his. Or so i thought. After what seems to be the blink of an eye the boy decides he’s not ready for this next step. He’s still fresh off the heartbreak ship and needs time to pick himself up and dust himself off before he can start diving into another relationship. This would be completely fine if i hadn’t grown attached. Why did he have to kiss me?? Why didn’t he think it through before he decided that hey, maybe he isn’t ready to be tied down again. Guys like him don’t think about the weight of their decisions and how they affect everyone around them before they go off and commit these criminal acts of romance. He needs to stop! And the real dagger to the heart was when he tells me after we decide to hold off the flirtation that he’s glad we’re friends and until the day that it will be right for us to be together, he wants to keep being my friend. I’m pretty sure that no girl wants to be kissed by someone who then turns around to say that they’re glad to be friends. That was the quickest relationship i have ever had with a guy, and i hope i never have to go through that many emotions in that short of a time span ever again. 

Monster

the portrayal of a monster is something i never thought i would receive. unfortunately not everyone has the same morals and outlooks of life so in the end someone will always be viewed as a monster. its whoever decides that they can accept this portrayal, either for the sake of others or for themselves, that is capable of moving on. 

NO MEANS NO

seriously. it’s getting really old. this is why we’re not going out in the first place. I can’t deal with your childish shit. I don’t want to be with someone who can’t deal with their own emotions and bitch and complain about everything that goes wrong. I can deal with it, why can’t you?????